The Devils Treasures Yield No Pleasures
by Meowth's Toon Dragon
Summary: After hearing about Russell's seeking of a legendary treasure, Lifty and Shifty tag along with him and a select crew in hopes of getting rich quick..... but what they encounter....... is evil beyond all reason.....
1. The unexpected announcement

Alright, here's the skiddy. This is a fanfic that actually was completed back in 2006, I'd been intending to try to get it to Kenn Navarro.... but I lost my nerve.... so 3 years later, I've decided to put it up here, on ... for all you to enjoy.

A few things before hand.....

1. From this fic onwards.... I will no longer be putting up the "deal with squeakense" disclaimer, I'll be typing the HTF's language as pure english. No one else is doin' it anymore, so it doesn't make sense for me to keep putting it up and sounding redundant.

2. There is HEAVY graphic violence, strong language, a couple OOC moments, and some graphic crude humor. If you have a problem with this, why are you in the HTF section anyway???

3. There are some similarities to this and a new fic by PennytheFuckingWise called "Russell's Adventure". I'm not a plagarist and I didn't steal her idea, nor did she take mine. In fact... I'd recommend giving her story a lookover, it's actually pretty good.

4. I HAVE made some changes to my original script, based on some new ideas and interests that have cropped up. I'll go over those in a bonus chapter at the end of the story.

5. While I don't own the Happy Tree Friends sadly, I do own..... well.... you'll just have to wait and see later on.... hee hee

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Dusk was falling over the citizens of Happy Tree Land and for most of them; it was a time to be getting into their nightwears and whatnot. But for two raccoons, it was just another night of planning, scheming, and stealing.

".... So then we hit the electronics store for some hardware and a bunch of those new Emerald Night cds; Those oughta net us some good dough!", Shifty was saying excitedly as he wrote down the blueprints for that night's heists, all the while sitting on the floor of their living room.

"If you say so...", his brother, Lifty, remarked. A touch of disinterest was traceable in his voice and Shifty was quick to notice it.

"Whatsa matter, Lifty?"

"Shifty, I'm tired of the same old thefts, I wanna go for something HUGE! Something that will get us set for life!"

"Lifty, we've been through this... When something big comes into town, we'll go after it! There's just nothing really valuable in this city anymore, only small-time stuff!"

Giving a small sigh, Lifty flicked on the TV the two of them had swiped the night before and laid down next to his brother. As the TV screen faded in, the voice of a newscaster could be heard.

"...Searching for buried treasure!!!"

Hearing the small snippet, Shifty turned his attention to the TV, where Disco Bear could be seen with a microphone in hand, talking to Russell

"Russell, what else can you tell us about this groovy treasure???", the bear asked, nonchalantly poofing up his afro with his other hand.

"Yar! This be a treasure fit for ye gods!! All I be needing is a crew to help me on the hunt! If ye are interested in getting thy hands on some treasure and adventure, meet me at ye docks by 11 A.M. tomorrow!"

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"Is this live?"

"Yeah..."

"I always be wanting to say this.... Yar! I be ho---"

Turning off the TV mid-sentence, Lifty looked at his brother with a wide smirk on his face

"Is that a big enough prize for ya?"

"Is it ever! Forget the Emerald Night cds, we're going for treasure!!!"

As the two of them shared their trademark chuckle, they had no knowledge of the adventure and danger that waited for them.... and if they had...... they would have willingly tried to rob Flippy's house again in an instant rather then go through the hell that awaited them.

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Let me know what ya think so far... the second chapter will be up soon!


	2. Meet, greet, and be an idiot

Having decided to forego their usual plans of midnight robberies for the night, Lifty and Shifty were in their beds, talking about tomorrow's adventure

"So what we're gonna do is go along with Russell's crew to the treasure, then get it and hightail it outta there!", Shifty was saying with estaticness in his voice.

"We'll be rich! We'll be able to buy anything we want!", Lifty added in, equally excited.

"We'd best get some rest for tomorrow. It's gonna be a day that will change the rest of our lives!!!"

But as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, the poor raccoon didn't have a clue of how true those words would ring...

The Next Day!

It was approaching 10 30 A.M. and Russell was standing at the entrance to the docks, anxiety wrought on his face as he was looking at the glistening sun.

"Yar! Where be my crew??? It's only half an hour til' castoff and no one else has shown! It be just plain dangerous for me to go for such a big treasure without a steady crew!"

A tap on his shoulder caught Russell's attention. Turning around, he saw Mime standing before him with an eager look on his face and a black bag of circus tricks by his side.

"Yar??? You be wanting in on the booty???", Russell asked quizzically.

Reaching into the black bag and pulling out a set of colored balloons, Mime blew them up and fashioned them to spell out "Yeah!".

"Well that be good enough for me! Welcome aboard!"

As soon as he got done with the sentence, the sight of two more souls in the distance caught his eye.

"Who else goes there?!?", Russell asked warily

"It's us, Lifty and Shifty, ready for adventure!"

Sure enough, Lifty and Shifty were walking towards Russell and Mime, rubbing their paws greedily.

"Yar har har, that makes 3 landlubbers eager for some treasure! This be making me VERY happy, yar!!!"

"Actually, there's more on the way", Lifty remarked, "We saw Flaky and Sniffles on the way here!"

"Yar! The more the merrier!!! We could use all the help we can be getting!"

................................

a half-hour later.....

Quite a few souls had assembled to get their hands on the treasure. It was about time for the adventure to begin. Russell and the others were standing by the dock of his trusted pirate ship.

"This be an adventure that the likes of which none have ever seen! It be containing danger, excitement, possibly a few laughs, and above all the chance to get ye hands on the biggest treasure this side of the seven seas! If ye are not up to this chance for adventure, ye best leave now! Once the ship leaves the dock, there be no turning back! Are there any questions?"

"Is there any candy in the treasure?!?", Nutty asked, the first throes of his sugar addiction kicking in and making him start cackling wildly

This made Lifty, Shifty, and several others start snickering, as Russell Just looked at the sugar-loving squirrel, a look of pure disbelief in his good eye

"Can.... can you repeat that, I think there's seawater in me ear..... did you just ask if there be CANDY in this booty?"

Nutty just nodded eagerly, still giggling hysterically like a wild animal... which given his demeanor wouldn't exactly be too far off a description.

"Nutty....... what are ye thinking?!?"

"Hee hee hee hee hee, I love candy!! Is there any candy?!?"

Realizing he had as much chance of answering Nutty's question to the squirrel's satisfaction as Lumpy had of passing the S.A.T.s, the sea otter ignored him and proceeded to perform a sort of roll call.

"When I be calling yer name, either board the boat, or just take off running if you're scared! Nutty!"

The squirrel boarded the boat, murmuring about not getting an answer to his question, seemingly oblivious to the stares that everyone was still giving him from his query. As he walked up onto the ship, the others couldn't help but notice a LARGE garbage bag slung over his shoulder. There was no doubt in ANYONE's mind what was inside and even Russell had to stifle a snicker at the size of the bag before he continued the roll

"Mime!"

The deer made his way onto the ship, his own black bag of tricks by his side

"Sniffles! Handy! Flaky! Pop!"

After he called each of those names, the aforementioned anteater, beaver, porcupine, and bear each boarded the boat.

"Lifty and Shifty!"

The 2 raccoons boarded the boat, all the while talking about the treasure. As they stepped onto the deck, they couldn't help but notice the gallery of fellow treasure-seekers. Seconds later, Russell made his way onto the boat.

"Everyone ready???", he asked.

"YEAH!", the 8 fellow sailors exclaimed in unison. With that, the pirate raised the anchor and the boat took off, charted for treasure and adventure!

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Let me know what you think. Constructive Criticizm is allowed, but any deep flames will be used to roast marshmallows!


	3. Revisiting breakfast and idiocy

Hey, everyone! It's me again!

Sorry for the delay in new chapters, life's been more than chaotic.

This is dedicated to my friend, Mable. She's a constant source of inspiration and a very good friend.

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The boat had just left the harbor a mere 10 minutes ago and already there was activity onboard. While Russell was steering the ship, the other 8 sailors were in the galley talking eagerly about the adventure that was in store for them. Well... 7 of them were anyway...

"S-so what d-do you thinks in this big treasure?", Flaky asked nervously.

"Hopefully enough candy to last me forever!!!", Nutty replied, eagerly rubbing his paws together.

"You know what that candy does to your teeth, right?", Pop remarked, "It rots them clean off!"

"Oh and I suppose hitting them with a ladder is any better???", Nutty shot back angrily.

"For the love of god, I put the freakin' tooth back in!"

"Yeah, through the roof of his mouth!!!"

Shifty was just watching the two fight, grinning.

"Ah, it's fun to see others fighting! Isn't that right, Lifty?"

But as Shifty turned towards his brother, he noticed that he wasn't in the chair he had been sitting in but 5 minutes ago. Looking behind him, he saw that Lifty was sitting against the outside railing, his eyes tightly shut and his paws across his tummy.

"What's with you, bro?"

"He's been sitting against that rail for the past 5 minutes like that.", Handy replied, "I asked him what was wrong and he didn't reply, he just gave a small groan."

"It sounds to me like the poor fella's seasick", Sniffles added in, "It's common for sailors, even the most experienced, to suffer from it occasionally."

"Thank you, Mr. Britannica...", Shifty said with a touch of sarcasm in his voice. Getting up from his chair, he walked towards his brother and sat down next to him. "Lifty, are you ok?"

"No....", his brother replied softly, "I feel like my breakfast wants to make an unwanted return"

"Aw, Lifty... if you're feeling seasick, why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because you'd just make fun..."

"Why would I do that???", Shifty said, trying to hide his laughter as he spoke in a soft tone "If my brother's not feeling well, I'd be concerned for him, not making fun of him. Besides, I thought we both took those anti-seasickness pills before we came here!"

"We did... Mine must've not worked..."

It was then that the brainy anteater interjected

"Well, why doesn't Lifty just allow himself to throw up?"

"WHAT???", Shifty exclaimed, "What good would that do???"

"Well in all the medical books I read, a common cure for nausea is just to allow yourself to be sick. One good upchuck may stop the queasiness completely. At the very least, he'll get a temporary respite from the sick feeling."

Snickering, Shifty asked his brother to lean over the rail and let himself empty his stomach.

"You'll all laugh at me if I do that!"

It was at that point that Mime, still sitting in his chair back in the galley, looked at the waves out the window of the galley and saw the waves sloshing and splashing, back and forth and back and forth. The deer rubbed his eyes, his vision starting to spin a little and he started to feel his own belly rumble in pain. Getting up from his chair, he walked over to where the edge was... or at least tried to.... as Lifty and Shifty watched, the silent deer was so dizzy he only was able to take a few steps before he fell over, his world spinning like a carnival ride. Alarmed and his own seasickness forgotten for the moment, Lifty rushed over to the deer and helped him to his feet. Normally, the young raccoon would've just laughed at the poor deer. But to make fun of someone suffering from his same predicament... it just felt shameful, even to him. But Shifty on the other hand....

"WAH-HA-HA!!!!", the raccoon laughed, pointing at Mime, "What, the poor deer can't handle the waves???"

Knowing that his brother just found the whole situation hilarious and wouldn't help them, Lifty looked at Mime's face and, from his bulging cheeks and green face, he could tell the poor deer was trying desperately not to throw up. Mime swallowed down his hurl and let out a silent moan, making Shifty just laugh harder and causing Lifty to give him the finger. It was then that Lifty saw the big metal ventilation pipe right nearby, the one on the ship that led down to the engine room. (Note: I don't have a fucking clue what they're called.... they're those big tube things, usually they're metal.... if ANYONE can give me the name of them, I'll give them a special mention in a future chapter) and holding onto Mime, he led the deer to the pipe and motioned for him to lean into it, getting a weary look from the young deer who was very close to puking and not sure what the 3 Liftys in his vision were trying to tell him.

"Just barf into this pipe... get it all out of your system...."

"WHY NOT HAVE HIM BARF IN THE OCEAN??? HA HA!!", Shifty called out

Lifty merely gave his brother another single-finger salute and called out to Sniffles

"You said just allowing yourself to barf at least once could help stop the seasickness for good or at least allow you to get a temporary respite.... right?"

"That's what I said, just allowing himself to regurgitate at least once could help him stop the nausea either for a few moments or even for good!"

Lifty turned to Mime, who he could see was desperately trying to hold in his lunch, his cheeks flushed out wildly for a moment before he swallowed and silently panted, and calmly gestured for him to lean into the pipe and let nature take its course on his tummy. But it was then that a thought occured to both of them, which Mime tried to gesture, but found himself so nauseated he had to cover his mouth quickly to prevent himself from blowing chow all over Lifty, but the raccoon could tell what Mime was trying to gesture, the same thought going into his own head.

"Russell.... this isn't gonna cause the engines to jam or anything, is it?"

The otter pirate merely laughed and waved his hook in a dismissive motion before he replied

"Ya think ye be the first to get seasick on this vessel? I've had many a crewmate get sick in that there pipe. It don't affect the engine not one bit!"

By now, Mime could feel the chunks rising up his throat and he knew his breakfast was about to make a return. Quickly he grabbed the edge of the pipe and leaned in, getting himself in position to launch his contents. No sooner had he opened his mouth than the ugly sound of him barfing inaudibly, but violently, echoed from inside the pipe and filled everyones ears, Lifty having to hold back his own hurl at hearing and seeing Mime throw up. The disgusting splattering sounds were like jars of chili splattering all over a hard floor and from what Lifty could see, it looked like chili was coming out of Mime's mouth. But all the while, Shifty was leaning over the rail laughing hysterically at seeing Mime toss his cookies, getting looks of annoyance from everyone nearby.

"There we go...", Lifty whispered comfortingly, trying to hide his disgust as he rubbed Mime's back

"Stop! Stop! I'm gonna wet myself!", Shifty laughed in hysteria.

Trying to ignore Mime's vomiting and Shifty's laughter and also a little puzzled by the advice he'd just heard and seen in action, Pop turned to Sniffles and asked if the same advice would work for accidentally ingesting something poisonous like laundry detergent.

"Yes, I suppose it would. Although I'd hate to see the idiot who "accidentally" eats detergent!", Sniffles replied.

Pop just gave a weak chuckle as he thought about the spilled bottle of liquid detergent he'd left on the laundry room floor of his house.

"I just hope Cub doesn't mistake it for juice..... again..."

Poor Mime tried desperately to make himself stop, but his tummy had to purge everything that was in it out and he just kept bringing up more puke splattering the inside of the pipe. After a few minutes, he was finally able to get his stomach under control and he let out a long silent but very ugly belch as he leaned up from the pipe, a pale look on his face making Shifty fall to the deck laughing wildly even as Lifty helped him back into the galley to allow him to get a little rest, despite everyone else glaring at the raccoon.

"Grow up, Shifty...", Handy murmured angrily, looking at the raccoon in disgust.

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A little later that day.......

After getting a rest in and being able to recover from his bout with seasickness, Mime was joining in on the discussions and activity. At the moment, 7 of them were talking about what they'd each do with their cut of the treasure. Mime had gone to ask Russell when he expected to arrive at the island.

"I plan on buying a candy factory! It'll get me candy for the rest of my life!", Nutty answered immediately

"It'll rot your teeth....", Pop remarked in a bit of a singsong tone.

"Hey, how'd you like me to take that pipe of yours and shove it up your---"

"WOAH! WOAH!", Flaky cut in, "Let's not fight, PLEASE!"

"Ah, let them go at it!", Lifty piped in, "It's a riot!". The raccoon was actually feeling a little better, although he hadn't yet hurled and he didn't know how long he'd be able to keep down his breakfast.

"I know what I'd use my cut for...", Sniffles interjected, as if trying to change the topic, "Helping to invent the cure for idiocy!"

"Y-you mean for L-lumpy?", Flaky asked, her voice shaking as she remembered all the things the blue moose had done.

"Who else??? The fool almost fried the whole city with that Christmas light display!!!"

"That's nothin'!", Shifty added, "Me and Lifty saw him get his tongue stuck in the hot-dog fryer at the convenience store!"

"I can top that!", Nutty exclaimed , "Last Halloween, you know what he gave trick-or-treaters???"

"I don't know, what?", Lifty asked

"Chocolate laxatives!"

This set everyone off into a sea of groans

"You're kidding me!", Pop said in disbelief

"I kid you not! It was the worst Halloween I ever had!"

"So THAT'S why Lifty had such bad diarrhea!", Shifty blurted out. "He spent the whole night in the bathroom!"

Lifty slugged his brother in the shoulder before he spoke again, "Oh I've got the Lumpy story to end all stories!"

At that moment, Mime came back, a small frown on his face.

"Hold that thought...", Nutty interrupted before turning to the silent deer, "Ah, Mime! What did Russell say?"

Taking out a piece of paper from his black bag, Mime proceeded to write down a message, which, upon finishing, he handed to Nutty. He was still pretty weak from puking so much and he didn't have the strength to try and mime out Russell's answer.

"He said we should be at the island by tomorrow night", Nutty read.

"Y-you mean we have to sleep on the b-boat???", Flaky stammered

Mime nodded, the frown on his face still stuck on

"Is he at least gonna feed us some dinner?", Shifty asked angrily, "It's almost mealtime!"

Perking up, Mime nodded eagerly. After launching most of his breakfast in that pipe, the deer was absolutely starving!

"Can we get back to my story?", Lifty cut in, a little annoyed

"Oh sorry...", Nutty said sheepishly, letting out a small giggle.

"Thank you! Anyways, me and Shifty went to his house for thanksgiving last year and you know what happened???"

"No, but I have a feeling it's pretty bad...", Pop muttered

"He blew up the house trying to light his fireplace!!!"

This set off another round of groans

"You can't be serious!", Sniffles remarked, "How could he do that?!?"

"The idiot left the gas on as he was trying to light the fire!", Lifty replied, "How retarded do you have to be to do that?!?"

"The only reason me and Lifty weren't hurt in the explosion is because when the gas-like smoke coming from the fireplace entered our nostrils, we hightailed it outta there!", Shifty added in, "When the house went up in flames, we were already back at our house safe and sound!"

"I swear to god...", Lifty murmured, "When they passed out brains, Lumpy must've been out taking a dump or somethin'!"

At that point, the discussion was brought to a sudden halt by the sound of a dinging bell, followed by a voice echoing over a megaphone

"YAR! THIS BE THE CAPTAIN SPEAKING! DINNER BE NOW SERVED OUTSIDE BY THE MAST!"

Eagerly, the 8 sailors headed outside. But when they got to the mast of the ship, all they saw were 8 fishing poles glistening in the setting sun, each with a bucket of worms resting by their sides

"Are we supposed to eat these poles?!?", Nutty asked in disbelief, earning a "you can't be serious" glare from Mime as it was a question he would have more expected Lumpy to ask than the sugar-loving squirrel

As if to answer his question, the voice over the megaphone responded....

"YAR! YE BE NEEDING TO CATCH YER DINNER IF YE BE PLANNING TO EAT!"

Looking at each of the poles, the 8 sailors gave a soft groan before making their way to them, not at all happy about having to go fishing for their food...

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Let me know what ya think... Constructive Criticism (yes, I know I mispelled it last chapter!), is allowed... but deep flames will be used as Mime's barf bag


	4. Fishing with the worms

Notes: This chapter is dedicated to two very special people.

To my friend Mable, who's a constant source of inspiration, a great friend, and an awesome authoress. (check out Super Bokkun Sunshine and you'll see what I mean!)

and

To my friend abstow89, a skilled author, a great friend, and one of the best gross out-gag writers I've ever seen. (Seriously, check out Rampage: Universal Domination and you'll see what I mean!)

* * *

Moments later....

Realizing that the only way they'd get to eat something was to catch it with the provided poles, the 8 sailors proceeded to get started with rigging said poles. For some of them, it wasn't exactly an easy task

"Rggh! Rrrr!" Handy kept muttering as he tried to hook up his pole. Having no hands definitely was not a good thing right then, "Gah!! What the fuck!!!"

"What's wrong?" Sniffles asked, his pole already set and ready for casting. It had taken all of 10 seconds for the brainy anteater to get his rod ready.

"What do you thinks wrong?!? Rigging this damn pole is impossible with no hands!"

Sighing, Sniffles took Handy's pole and fixed it up in about 5 seconds before handing it back to the beaver. All Handy could do was balance the pole in his limbs and give Sniffles a very sour look reading that he wanted to throttle the anteater, but lucky for him Sniffles didn't see the look, or if he did chose to ignore it.

"You're welcome..." the anteater replied as he turned back to his own pole. Meanwhile, Pop had gotten his pole fastened and was getting ready to cast his line.

"You see, the trick is to pay close attention to where you're casting your pole…" Pop was saying to a rather uninterested Nutty, who was trying very hard to stay awake while sucking on a lollipop and bored half to death, "Otherwise you don't know what could happen!"

With that, Pop threw his line back in preparation for his cast. He managed to throw it back far enough to hook onto the antler of Mime, who was rigging up his pole right nearby. Before the poor deer knew what had happened, Pop had thrown the pole forward and sent him flying wordlessly into the ocean!

"That, my friend, is how you cast off a decent line!"

Half-asleep from boredom, Nutty just nodded and turned his attention back to his line, not having noticed Mime being hooked onto Pop's reel. Also nearby, Shifty's bobber was already into the water and now he was just playing the waiting game. Lifty, however was feeling pretty queasy from the rocking motion of the boat, not having hurled earlier increasing his seasickness, and the smell of the bait entering his nostrils wasn't helping at all. A little puzzled, Shifty asked his brother what was bothering him now.

"Ugh… It's the smell of those worms, it's making me feel more nauseous than I already am!!"

"Geez, you're almost as bad as Flaky!"

Looking back slowly, the raccoon saw that the cowardly porcupine was having trouble even hooking a worm onto her pole. Her hands were shaking so badly that the hook slipped and cut into her finger. Upon seeing the small droplet of blood ooze out, the porcupine promptly fainted dead away.

"C'mon, you can't tell me that you're grossed out by the wriggly worms!"

It was then that the fedora-wearing raccoon got a sneaky idea. Reaching into the bucket of worms, Shifty pulled out a couple of big fat juicy ones and dangled them above his mouth.

"Oooh they look so thick and plump!"

Realizing what Shifty was gonna do, Lifty gagged softly and put his paw up in a "please don't" motion.

"I bet it's like spaghetti that dances all the way down" Shifty said tauntingly.

"P-please… don't" Lifty pleaded, his cheeks bulging in disgust as he tried to hold down his food.

With a small chuckle. Shifty dropped the worms right into his mouth and started to chew them up, much to Lifty's horror. After giving them a few good chews, all the while plumping his cheeks out and rubbing his tummy as if to say "Mmm, it's soo good!", he swallowed. Then he looked straight at his brother and said with a grin on his face…

"I was right, it IS like spaghetti that dances all the way down!"

This was too much for Lifty, his breakfast had to come out NOW! Cupping his mouth, he turned and vomited over the side of the boat, a multicolored wave of barf erupting out of his mouth and decorating the ocean. The poor raccoon was hurling so violently he almost fell overboard retching and had to hold onto the rail tightly to keep himself from falling into the sea. Shifty was just in hysterics at the sight.

"You… are so……. freaking weak!!!" he blurted out in between gales of laughter.

All his brother could get out was "Damn you, Shifty" before another wave of vomit emerged from his mouth, his brother's laughing echoing in his throbbing head. After a few more heaves, Lifty felt his stomach get under control and moaned as he hung over the side of the ship. But as he saw the last of his lunch come pouring out into the clear blue ocean, Lifty noticed a school of fish starting to form around the partially-digested bits of chicken and eggs. Getting an idea, he reached towards Shifty and snatched the fedora off his brother's head.

"Hey! Hey!" Shifty said hastily and grabbing at his hat in vain, "Don't use my hat as a barf bag!"

"Who said I was gonna use it for that?", Lifty replied.

With that, Lifty swept the fedora into the water and proceeded to scoop up a couple of big fish that were nibbling at the pieces of food now drifting nearby the boat. With a happy cry, he deposited the fish into the bucket of worms nearby and repeated the process a few more times. Within a few minutes, he'd caught an entire bucket full of fish.

"Heh heh heh....", Lifty grinned coyly, "Who would've thought the fishies liked chicken and egg pieces over worms?"

The 4 other conscious fishers weren't at all amused, each of them casting very dark looks towards the raccoons. Getting the hint of their looks, Lifty gulped and spoke again.

"If you guys don't hurt me, I'll share the fish with all of you."

Satisfied, the beaver, anteater, and squirrel threw down their poles and each took a fish for themselves (Handy getting a little assist from Nutty). Pop started to de-rig his pole, but all of a sudden his bobber went under the water.

"WOAH! I GOT SOMETHING!!!", Pop exclaimed excitedly.

Immediately, he started to tug at the other end of his pole, trying to find out what he had hooked. But whatever was on the other end was threatening to dunk Pop right into the water, starting to pull him over the edge of the rail.

"God! Someone grab onto me!!! It's trying to take me under!!!", Pop screamed frantically.

Seeing that he was starting to get pulled out of the boat by whatever was hooked on his line, Lifty threw down Shifty's hat and grabbed hold of Pop's feet right as the bear was about to be yanked right out of the boat, planting his own so firmly on the deck that they were close to breaking the floorboards. Seeing what he was trying to do, Sniffles took hold of Lifty's midsection and did the same, bracing himself to prevent all 3 of them from being thrown into the water and Lifty's puke.

"Ok... On 3 we fall back...", Sniffles suggested, "The momentum should cause whatever's on the other end of the pole to get sprung right onto the boat and bring Pop flying back towards safety!"

"Ok!" Lifty agreed.

"Guys, enough talking!!! HELP ME!!!", Pop yelled, panicking as he felt Lifty's grip starting to loosen.

"Ok... 1... 2... 3!!!!"

At the count of 3, the 2 of them fell backwards with the bear and the pole and sure enough, Pop was thrown back onto the deck as the bobber and it's hooked prize came shooting up into the air.

"I got it! I got it!", Pop said eagerly, getting up and holding his paws skyward in anticipation for the landing.

Sure enough, the catch fell right into his hands. But when he brought his paws down, he saw that he had caught, and was now holding a very wet, very pissed off Mime with a big trout stuck in his mouth, making Sniffles and Handy bust up laughing.

"Mime?!? How'd you get on the other end of my fishing pole???", Pop asked incredulously.

"A better question would be how you caught a fish in your mouth!", Nutty added in.

"How..... HOW did you survive being underwater that long?!", Sniffles managed to get out before falling to the deck laughing.

Mime responded by taking a deep breath and spitting the fish directly into Pop's eye.

"OW!!", Pop exclaimed, dropping Mime, "What was that for??? I saved you!!!"

Reaching back into his black bag, which he'd left by his pole, the deer pulled out another piece of waterproof paper and proceeded to write a small message. After he was done, he gave the message to Pop

"For casting me out to sea, you son of a..." Instead of reading the last word, the bear just gave a small sigh as everyone else burst into even more laughter

"Very funny... Very, very funny..."

Later that day.....

After getting Mime dried off and the fish all cleaned and gutted, it was time for the treasure hunters to get some food in their stomachs. At the moment, the 8 sailors were in the galley seated around a round table. Russell had put the ship in auto-pilot and was at the head of the table. (Yes, in this story, a pirate ship can be put on auto-pilot, if you don't like it then fuck you, you don't need to be reading this.)

"Yar, how'd you all enjoy the first day of the voyage?" the sea otter asked eagerly.

"It was interesting... and somewhat painful at the same time." Pop answered, rubbing his eye where the fish had hit him. This elicited snickers from Mime and Nutty.

"It was more interesting watching you get fishsmacked by Mime! Ha ha!" Nutty blurted out.

"Nutty, I swear to God...." Pop muttered irritably

"Lighten up, Pops!" Lifty said, taking up for Nutty having found the whole situation damn funny, "It was only a fish, don't get your pants all in a bunch about it!"

"This from the raccoon who got so seasick he nearly fell over the rail vomiting???" Pop shot back

Embarrassed, Lifty shrunk down in his seat glaring at the bear. "You promised you wouldn't say anything!", he said bitterly

Russell sputtered for a bit trying to get control of the arguing. "Yar, that's enough! This isn't how a crew should act!!!"

"M-maybe once we eat, we'll all b-be more at e-ease" Flaky interjected

"Flaky's right! We're all just hungry and that's making us irritated." Sniffles agreed

Sighing, Pop turned towards Lifty, an apologetic look on his face. "Lifty, I'm sorry... Seasickness isn't something to laugh at..."

With a little hesitance, Lifty sat back up in his chair and looked at the remorseful bear. "I'm sorry too, fishsmacking isn't.... isn't...."

The raccoon couldn't keep a straight face and he burst into peals of laughter. "Yes it is!!! Fishsmacking is a riot! Admit it!"

Pop tried to keep calm, but soon he found himself laughing too at the thought of fishsmacking. Before long, the whole group was laughing hard, or at least most of them were...

"Oh.... oh..." Flaky sputtered in between gales of laughter "Oh I haven't l-laughed that hard in a long time!"

"Yarr!! Now that's how I like to see my crew! Living it up and getting along!" Russell said happily.

With that, the sea otter went into the ship's pantry and brought out the plates of food. The fish, chips, cheeses, and potatoes looked just delicious!

"Wait a second... Where'd you get the chips and potatoes from?" Handy asked cautiously.

"Yar, a captain always keeps his pantry stocked in case there's a dire emergency!" Russell answered, putting a plate of food in front of Handy.

The beaver looked at the luscious-looking meal and couldn't help but lick his lips eagerly. "Works for me, can we eat yet?"

"Yar... Wait til' everyone's got a plate of food in front of them, Handy."

Handy gave a sour look, but waited. Soon everyone had a plate of food in front of them.

"W-what about the drinks???" Nutty asked

"Nutty, that's not polite!" Pop said harshly

"Yar, it'd be some of my finest rum!" Russell answered as he started to pour the black liquid inside a set of mugs (I don't have a clue what rum looks like, so bear with me)

"There, you se.." Pop started to say. Then he did a double take and looked at Russell in shock. "RUM?!? You're serving us alcohol??? Are you trying to get us drunk?!?"

"It's pirate tradition." Sniffles cut in "Rum is known as the universal elixir for pirates. Haven't you ever heard that old shanty, "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"?"

"Where the hell does he get this stuff?" Lifty wondered

"Ooohhhhh...."

Hearing a soft moan next to him, Lifty turned and saw his brother clutching his stomach

"Shifty, what's wrong???"

"It's... it's those worms.... they're fighting inside my tummy!"

"Heh, serves you right!" Lifty couldn't help murmuring as Russell finished handing out the mugs of Rum

"Yar! Dig in!"

Eagerly, the gang of sailors dug into their delicious meals. But as Lifty was starting to choose what to scarf down first, he heard another moan come from his brother.

"If you think I'm gonna feel sorry for ya", Lifty started to say as he turned towards his brother gloatingly, "You better th---"

And then he stopped mid-sentence...

Turning around to mock him, Lifty saw that Shifty was clutching his belly and whimpering, a look of pure fear and pain in his eyes. Seeing the tears rolling down his smart-alecky brother's face, he felt no desire to mock him... instead he felt genuinely worried. While it was true his brother teased and abused him more than he'd care to remember, he was still his brother!

"Shifty, what hurts?", Lifty asked softly, trying to put his hand on his brother's back.

"M-my... my tummy..... it feels like there's a fight going on inside my belly..."

Seeing that his brother was in pain, Lifty got up from his seat and helped his brother out of the galley and onto the deck of the boat. Once there, he helped him lay down against the cold wooden floor and sat down with him, talking to him to help take his mind off the pain, although the tears pouring from Shifty's eyes were breaking Lifty's heart. He'd never seen his brother in such pain.

"Don't think about your stomach, think about what we'll do with that treasure!!! Riches, yachts, jewels, we'll be set for life!"

Shifty started to give a sly grin in response, but he felt another powerful kick in his stomach and the grin turned into a cry.

"Help me!!! Oh god it hurts!!!!"

Biting his lip, Lifty held Shifty close and tried cooing to him. It was then that he remembered the advice from earlier when he was nauseated, the same advice he'd seen Mime use when he was queasy.

"Would allowing yourself to throw up help at all?"

"I can't do that! You'll just use it as blackmail!"

Sighing, Lifty went to where the buckets from the fishing were and dumped one full of worms into the ocean. Then he took the empty bucket and placed it beside Shifty's head.

"Shifty, if you've been sick since eating those worms", Lifty said, shuddering, "getting them out of your system could help stop the pain! For god's sake, it sounds like you're close to dying!"

"He's right..."

Hearing another voice behind him, Lifty turned and saw Handy standing there with a gentle expression on his face

"Sniffles did say that self-induced vomiting could help eliminate any poison or bacteria inside the stomach."

"Yeah!"

"That's right.", Sniffles said as he walked up to the 3 of them, "The same could be used against worms or maggots or any other insect"

"You know, for a nerd, you sure can come in handy!", Lifty remarked

"Thanks, I think....", Sniffles replied, unsure whether to take the remark as a compliment or an insult

"Shifty I'm gonna sit right here and I'm not leaving until whatever is inside your tummy is thrown up into that bucket!", Lifty said sitting down next to his brother and cupping his face to where it was looking towards his own, "There's a line between being prideful and being stupid!!!!"

"But... what about you??? You didn't even get to eat dinner..."

"Oh that reminds me....", Handy said, having Sniffles take off his hard hat to reveal a plate of food balanced on his head, "I thought you might be hungry, so I brought your food with me."

"Thanks...", the raccoon said, gently taking the plate off of Handy's head, "But I'll wait 'til my brother's bette---"

His heartfelt remark was interrupted by the sound of his own stomach growling in hunger. Lifty blushed in embarrassment

"Never mind, I'll keep it with me... But you two go back with the others, this is just between me and my bro."

As Handy and Sniffles left the two raccoons, Shifty sat up with an awful groan

"Oh my god...... It hurts so much!", the poor raccoon said wincing before another jolt in his belly made him spit up a few droplets of warm blood, alarming his twin.

"Then just end it, Shifty! Make yourself throw up whatever's causing you such agony! For the love of god, you've got BLOOD coming from your mouth!"

Shifty grabbed the empty bucket near his head and placed his face above it.

"It's ok...", Lifty assured him, "I won't say a word..."

"Promise?", Shifty asked, his voice quavering in fear.

"I promise...", Lifty replied, "just get it out before it kills you!"

With that, Shifty started to gag into the bucket, trying to bring up the contents of his stomach. But he found that whatever was inside him wanted to stay inside.

"It's not working...."

"Do whatever you can think of to make yourself sick, just try!"

Remembering an old trick their mother once told them for getting out of police interrogations, Shifty stuck a finger in his throat and pressed against his uvula. Sure enough, he soon felt his stomach clench and a huge lump coming back up his throat. Seeing his brother starting to retch, Lifty grabbed a hold of Shifty's heaving midsection to prevent him from toppling over as he got ready to hurl.

"Just let it out, Shifty.... I've got a hold of you.

Knelt over the bucket and clutching his stomach, Shifty reared his head back and threw up a violent mixture of worms, bile, and bits of digested food. Lifty could feel his body shaking from the effort of throwing up so much, but he continued to hold on as more of Shifty's stomach came out of his mouth and into the bucket in front of him. After about a minute, Shifty felt the last of it come out and he let out a loud and ugly belch. Panting, he turned towards his brother shakily and gave a small grin.

"Mom was right, it does work!"

Lifty was so relieved his brother had gotten the poisons out of his system that he hugged him. It was then that he happened to glance into the bucket and saw something that both shocked him and made him glad he'd gotten his brother to throw up. Among the pieces of digested food were bits of tissue and blood and what appeared to small little eggs... It took all of 3 seconds for him to realize what it all was...

"My god, the goddamn worms were eating YOU!"

"Huh???"

Shifty looked inside the bucket and, when he saw the bits of his stomach lining and the worm eggs, screamed

"THEY WERE TRYING TO LAY EGGS INSIDE ME!!! THOSE FUCKING WORMS WERE PARASITIC!!!!! THEY WERE TRYING TO EAT ME AND LAY THEIR EGGS IN MY REMAINS!!"

Right then, the magnitude of what Lifty had just done struck Shifty and he slowly turned towards his brother until he was looking him straight in the eye

"You... You just saved my life..."

Blushing, Lifty grinned and said, "Yeah, but don't tell anyone... They'll think I've got soft!". Shifty then gave his brother a tight hug, all the while kissing him and thanking him tearfully.

"I'll return the favor someday, I promise!", Shifty whispered.

"Ok.... Why don't we go back to the galley and eat something...", Lifty said, a little uncomfortable with the amount of affection his brother was giving him...

"Yes, let's! I'm starving!", Shifty replied, now feeling ravenous with all the poison out of his tummy.

"Now THAT'S the Shifty I remember!"

With that, the two headed back into the galley, a newfound appreciation for each other slowly starting to form.

* * *

Lemme know what ya think so far! Constructive Criticism is allowed, but deep flames will be used to clean doo-doo.


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